The Separation of Church and Steak

So last week me and my trophy wife Betty attended a fund raiser, a gala, I think
they called it, at a church which will remain nameless, on account of this place
was a freaking palace, you know what I mean? Now, Uncle Donnie is the last person
to cast aspersions,but fuggetaboudit, you shoulda seen this place....it rocked; so
maybe a bit of lampooning is called for. You drive up to this place and you begin
to think, this has gotta be a five-star place; this is a church that looks like a
valet service is gonna take care of your car, and the doorman(read usher) is gonna
escort you to the shuttle system to connect you to any number of destinations, like
The SS wing, or the cafe which offers Starbucks, actually I think there was a
Starbucks there, or the Youth Ministry Resort,or maybe to the Preaching Pavilion,
where an attendant will meet you with a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and
a bottle of Perrier. I mean this was quite a place, capisci mi? I'm sure it hadda
Concierge service to help your attendance(read stay) be a happy one, and probably
a service to book your after church tee times and make lunch reservations at one of
their fine eateries, Marone, It wassa little too nice and a little too much! Remember, Uncle D. is from Eagle Creek.
Enough of my vituperations(hadda look that one up)and insinuations. Just pokin a
little fun, you know what I mean? Who am I to judge? It's like in Godfather2 when
young Tessio asks young Vito,"Wattaya think about the girl, Vito?" To which Vito
says,"I'm happy if your happy." Churches are like that; If your happy there, I'm
happy.....whattayagonna do?
Did I mention that the Ushers were wearing top hats and tails?
Just a little pasquinade.
Your Pal,
Donnie