Uncle Donnie's Views from Under the Bus

Hi. I'm Uncle Donnie. My family throws me under the bus regularly. I've decided to prove them all right.

These are my views, opinions and dogma. They don't represent the views of anyone but me. Whaddya gonna do? Leave the gun, take the cannoli. Lean back, drink some chianti, and enjoy my views from under the bus.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Excuse Me, Excuse My Family

Uncle Donnie loves to laugh,and loves to be with people who love to laugh. Laughter is the opiate to the soul, a sweet cordial ,one of life's distinct pleasures. Jesus wants us to laugh, so go and have a huge, sidesplitting laugh. Have one on me.

This a true story about my grandpa, Pappy, entitled, "Scusa Mi, Scusi Mi Famiglia":
Pappy worked for my dad as a drywall taper and he always took "the old lady"(my grandma) and his youngest son(my uncle Rex) with him. So Pappy and his little crew of helpers were on the job one day; Grandma was picking up drywall scraps and loading
them onto the truck and Rex was wiping down the tape when suddenly, from the back of the house Pappy bellowed, "Pack 'em up Rex, I sh-- my pants!" So, immediately, Rex packed 'em up and off they went. This is a true story. It makes Uncle Donnie laugh to this day. Good ole' Pappy was a card-carrying member of the Communist party,idolized FDR, and is probably
rolling over in his grave knowing that his grandson Donnie is a registered
Republican. My Dad, Fritz, was chased numerous times in his youth by other "yutes" (reference: My Cousin Vinny), that they might punish him for being the son of, "that commie S.o.B.!!"
Whaddya gonna do? Mi Famiglia.

The first time Pappy met my mother-in-law-to-be, the dearest, sweetest mother-in-law-
to-be of all time,he spewed out this profanity-laced political invective about... Well, to be honest, I don't even remember who or what it was about. All I remember is I just about died right there, on the spot. I wondered,and worried, that she might question the pedigree of her daughter's main squeeze (suitor), but she was the most gracious person I have ever met. She took it
all in stride, and with a smile on her face, actually seemed humored in the presence of this Socialist-Democrat lunatic. Pappy was great, though, few men could have carried his lunchpail to work, you know what I mean?

Someday Uncle Donnie would like to see these slogans printed on some t-shirts:

Support Mental Health Or I'LL Kill You

Everything You Know Is Wrong

There Goes The Sheriff and His Possum

Hey, Just Drive Down My Street and UP YOURS!

Smile If You Like Bacon

Uncle Donnie... A Legend In His Own Mind

Saluto,
Uncle Donnie

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