Oh Yeah,? Well My Dogma Just Lifted Its Leg On Your Karma!

Thing is,
There's things Uncle D knows, and, believe it or not, there's things Uncle D does not
know.
Fa'instance, Uncle D knows when to take a shower, or when to make a nice meatball, or when to open a bottle or six of Ruffino, or even when to get out of Betty's way should she want to pop me for being a smart asp! Capisci mi? You know, sumthins'
along these lines, Uncle D knows pretty good...
Anyways, the things Uncle D has a litle more difficulty understandin' (and maybe Uncle D is just a dumb bastid) but I really don't get the hype with them, are those whattya-call-them gurus! Or, swamis, you know them bearded guys from India, or Indiana or Iniannapolis or wherever they come from. They're always spoutin' off about whatever it is they spout off about, religion I guess, maybe inner peace, what's it called? This transcontinental medication stuff. I dunno, have a merry Krishna, but don't eat cow because they do cow worship or sumthin' like that. I mean, it sounds pretty serious, I guess, all that stuff about reincantation and yogi, or yogurt, no yoda, no yoga!.... Dat's it with all that shitar music from Ravi Shanker,or was it Savy Kanker- no Ravi Shankar! I mean I wouldn't know the difference from Ravi to Ravioli, or from shrimp to shinola, you see where I'm goin with this stuff?
... Maybe they call it transcannabis indigestion... I don't know, It sounds freakin' ooga booga, right?

And howsabout these characters like The Maharishi Hashish Yogi, remember him, right?
And the other guy, bald dude, you know, Mahatma(man not my)Ganja? And that other swami what used to live up there in OryGone? The goofball what had all the those Rolls-Royces out in the desert outside of Madras, OryGone who thought he was in Madras,India?
Yeah, that's him alright, The Bongwann Shree Radcheese. That's da guy!

I mean, who knows about this stuff? Hare Krisna, Harry Potter, Harry Dangler, Herry
Lewis(that's Spanish for Jerry Lewis) I mean, it all sounds the same to me. It's like when Frankie Pantangeli tells Mike Corleone, "Mike, we gotta hit 'em hard now, while we got the muscle!"...
Go figure, to uncle D, it's still a mystery. Whattya gonna do?

That being said, I should apologize for some of my language this evening, so
perdonamai mi amici!

D.

Some Like It Hot!

Uncle Donnie gets thrown under the bus fairly regularly. Whattya gonna do?
Next time though, throw me under the one that's travelling to somewhere hot. And if not hot, let it be somewhere really warm, you know what I mean? Somewhere like Arizona or sunny southern Cali. Florida's good, or maybe San Antonio, Texas. You know, someplace where my biggest decisions would be like what shape of icecubes to put in my adult beverage, or what kinda sandwich spread to use on my sandwich, or whether to use my lob wedge or pitching wedge, you get my meaning? Uncle Donnie wants to live somewhere where the climate would allow him to put to use his favorite slogan, from his favorite T-shirt. "0 to Naked in 3.7 Beers".....
"Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, if you're young at heart"... Thanks, Frank, I needed that...."if you are among the very young at heart"....That's Uncle D. to a T...
Some like it hot, like Betty and me, two tots looking for the meadow and pickin' up lots of forget-me-nots...."You make me feel so young" .......such a lucky individual!

Devo andare adesso( I have to go now )
Uncle D
P.S. E la sua volontate e nostra pace
In doing His will we find our peace
Dante

Donnie....Dumb and Dumber

So the other day, Uncle Donnie takes a trip to the bank to make a deposit for his trophy wife Betty. This is what happens.
O.K. Uncle Donnie grabs the check off Betty's desk and notices this note that
says, "last four digits are ****" Well, Uncle Donnie's not impressed and doesn't get (i.e.,understand) the note, yet he takes off for the bank, capisci?
Upon arrival, Uncle Donnie approaches the teller, hands her the check with note attached and says, "My trophy wife Betty sent me down here to deposit this check, but
I have no idea what these numbers mean,do you?" She politely replies, "Yes, those are the last four numbers of the account to be accessed for this deposit."
and then She smiles.
Uncle Donnie's only response to the obvious was that women are much smarter than men, to which she agreed. She then said that she had heard
recently that women who have children have proven to be smarter than women who haven't had children.By now, Uncle Donnie is feeling quite like the maroon that only a few people know him to be. To this statement, the other lady teller in the adjacent corner chimes in with, "Yes that makes great sense,doesn't it?"
Now Uncle Donnie is wondering how much more stupid that makes him? He knows when he started this little errand he was dumber than the general population of women and now, by degrees, he is much more dumb than all the women who have had children! This makes him wonder how imbecilic he must be compared to that woman who was not only a woman, but a mother and also a grandmother,which must mean smarter yet and Uncle Donnie dumber still!!

So all Uncle Donnie could say was,"I have three daughters, and they are all smarter than me, and one of them has a daughter."....Ah Marone, I never want to see those ladies(geniuses) again.......Uncle Donnie needs a drink, a double I think....Perhaps
two doubles! whattya gonna do?
A Dopo
Uncle Dummie

Bella Cosa Far Niente

Uncle Donnie just got back from vacation. My Trophy Wife Betty and I travelled to sunny Palm Desert, California with our dear friends the Woods. That would be Takashi (He ain't no Fugazi) Woods and his wife, Mrs. Woods.
We spent a glorious seven days in a desert paradise and simply engaged ourselves in some serious lounging and idle employments.Bella cosa far niente...Idleness is a nice employment, a beautiful thing. It was pazza completo...completely crazy, in every good way!
First night in town, and we ate at a little Italian joint where we met our host Pietro, Sicilian, of course, from the town of Modello, just outside of Palermo. Anyways, it was a delicious meal,two sole piccatas, one eggplant parmigiana and one spaghetti and meatballs...bellisimo Don Pietro!...Oh yeah, don't forget the chianti- it wassa so good, you know what I mean?

Did I mention who the Canasta champions of 2010 are? Well, that would be me and my very efficient and rarely inebriated partner, Mr. Woods! Yes, it was so good to see the girls take their cushions everywhere they went as their butts were spanked quite
thoroughly, you get my meaning? It's like my Trophy Wife Betty always says, "Go big...or go home!" ...Me and Mr. Woods went big that week, sorry girls....Que Sera, Sera.
it was so nice. We had a short walk to the pool,we could rehydrate, I mean refuel,
you know, refresh our drinks, and the girls could quickly soothe their bottoms with a dip in the luscious pool...
I really like that word luscious. It reminds me of the name I'd call my restaurant,
if I should live so long. "Betty's Luscious Buns"!
Fuhgettaboudit!!



Devotissimio Suo(yours truly)
Uncle Donnie

My Jesus, I Love Thee

My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine; For Thee all the follies of sin I resign; My gracious Redeemer, my Saviour art Thou; If ever I loved thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

I love thee, because Thou hast first loved me, And purchased my pardon on Calvary's tree; I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow; If ever I loved thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

I'll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death, And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath; And say when the death-dew lies cold on my brow, If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

In mansions of glory and endless delight, I'll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright; I'll sing with the glittering crown on my brow, If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, 'tis now. Amen.



This wonderful song from todays worship service sent Uncle Donnie back to a place where his first love for Christ was the sweetest first love.
D.

In The Bathroom

Come Stai, mi amici?
Uncle Donnie has to lay out some things. I need to esplain sonthin'(Spanish for 'Explain something'). It's like when Desi was upset with Luci and demanded,
"Luci, you got some esplainin' to do!!' You know what I mean?

So. Here goes. Back in the day as a young Evangelical(read: Baptist) I used to play this little game called, "In The Bathroom". What this meant was that when we said a gospel song title we had to finish with "In The Bathroom"...
For example: "Be Still My Soul... In The Bathroom." or, "Jesus,I Am Resting.... In The Bathroom.", or, "Who Is He In Yonder Stall.... In The Bathroom.", or even, "I Surrender All... In The Bathroom."!
Anyways, we used to die laughin' at some of those titles. The funniest one I ever heard, though, was one from my dear friend and goombati,Zak the Sparky Lortz, who recently gave me this sidesplitter, "He Touched Me.... In The Bathroom".
To which Sparky added,"Wait, wait. That's the Catholic version."
They had to rush me to the frigging hospital! I swear I almost wet myself. It was so sick, yet so very funny! This guy Lortz can make Uncle Donnie laugh hard...Salute Don Sparky Lortz!

That being said, Uncle Donnie says to himself, "Self, maybe we shouldn't be so
irreverent," you know what I mean? Maybe we should only play In The Bathroom using,say, Lennon and McCartney titles like, "It's Been A Hard Day's Night... In The Bathroom." "IFeel Fine... In The Bathroom", "I'm Happy Just To Dance With You... In The Bathroom." "I Should Have Known Better... In The Bathroom." "Please Please Me... In The Bathroom". "Do You Want To Know a Secret... In The Bathroom." "It Won't Be Long....I Wanna Be Your Man....You Can't Do That....Eight Days A Week....You've Got To Hide Your Love Away.....What Goes On.....Why Don't We Do It In The Road.....
And thats just through 1968! Geez,those guys were good. Bella musica.
Joosta one more "With A Little Help From My Friends....In The Bathroom."
A dopo!
D.