EFF IT, WE'RE GOING DANCING

Hey, hows everybody doin? Uncle D. hopes you all hadda Buon Natale. That would be a Merry
Christmas,for most of you, if you know what I mean? We hadda pretty swell Christmas this year,
and I even wept at a church service on Christmas eve, whattayagonna do, It was that moving.
We had some good eats like ale chili on the Friday before Christmas, and uova in purgatorio(eggs
in purgatory) on Saturday morning. Maybe some day D. will tell you about that dish, and maybe not,
we'll see how it goes. On Christmas day it was seafood casserole, savory cheesy potatoes, and  ham.
Oh yeah, we had mimosas and gingerbread cookies and a little J. Daniels, just to make the season
bright, capisci mi? Was it good , you say? Fuggetaboudit! It wassa so good mi amici.
Have you ever mixed a little J. Daniels with a glass of Airborne? Just askin?
So from various forays into the Peoples Republic of Portland I ran across three of the funniest sayings
in 2011. One was a bumper sticker that read'  New York, London, Paris, Estacada.
The next was on a T-shirt at the Saturday market which read;  Caution, Cooking leads to Spooning
and Forking. The last was in a window of one of the little shops, on a framed print which read: Eff
It, we're going dancing. Uncle D laughed at all three!
The best quote of the year came from the Puritan, John Flavel: "The lust must be subdued if the
conversation is to be honest!"
Hey, when you are havin a little vino on New Years Eve, be it bianco or rosso, think of Betty, Buggles
and Uncle D.
Devotissimo Su
Uncle Donnie

Have You Ever Wondered?

Have you ever wondered why the lady who works at the Home Depot at the contractor check-out
always looks like she's about ready to commit suicide?  I mean it's really sad to see this little female
person mope around and never smile. I try to smile at her, but to no avail, and before long I'm
gettin suicidal thoughts myself and have to get outta there pronto, you know what I mean? She hands
me my receipt and circles some website number and says to me,"fill out this survey so I can keep
my job."Well, Merry Christmas(which is British for Feliz Navitad) to you too, right?
Have you ever wondered why the guy on the radio says,"listen to the Oldies, so you can stay younger."
Does that make any sense? Not to Uncle Donnie!
So, the Kid asks me today,"why do we get bellybutton lint"? Have you ever wondered why guys get
bellybutton lint and girls don't? I says to the Kid, "thanks for asking, but thats a little beyond my
skill-set. Marone, he always asks me the tough ones!
Have you ever known a male lactation expert? I know its a loaded question, but really, does such a
thing exist? Or have you ever wondered why there are so many Oriental doctors, or that very few
crooks become lawyers, but many, many lawyers become crooks?
I mean sometimes I wonder.
Do You?

In bocca al lupo(Good Luck)
Uncle Donnie

Ode To Sonny Sal

Hey, Buon Natale, everyone!
Been back from Florida a coupla days and back in the swing of things, you know what
I mean. It's good to be home....hey, its good to be back home again. Thank you John Denver. Anyways, I got this little ditty I thot you might like. I call it....Ode to
Sonny Sal Natali:
There once was a guy named Sonny Sal Natali
Who handled his affairs down some back alley
Coz, if a guy hadda go, than a guy hadda go
at the hand of one Sonny Natali.
Not a day would go by
widout widows who cried
No thanks to one Sallie Natali.
(Names have been changed to protect the innocent, you unnastand!)
Here are a few must reads for the budding gangster:
The Rat In the Hat
Curious George Goes to Prison
One fish two fish now he sleeps with the fishes
Fun With Dick and Pain
How the Fence Stole Christmas
I guess me telling you this stuff is about as unnecessary as a Happy Hour in Ireland,
but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do...right?
And now Uncle Donnie thinks it is time for Jack Daniels.
Hit the road Jack, and don't ya come back no more, no more, no more, no more
Hit the the road Jack, and don't you come back no more......what you say?
Hit the road Jack, and don't ya come back no more.............
Tiamo,
D.

Our Blue Light Special

Greetings from South Florida,
Just had dinner, and my trophy wife Betty is holding our new grandson, Aiden Michael
Mahar,thanks to Lt. and Mrs.Mahar. He's a beautiful little guy,you know what I mean?
Been warm and mostly dry,and we've just been lounging.
They had to keep little Aiden over a warm blue light on account of him being jaundiced,
which lasted about five days. Kinda hard for the parents,but all is now well and I will
always remember him as our little blue light special,if you unnastand my meaning.
Uncle D. is very proud, and Lily, she's just a peach and a delight,just like her
Grandpa, right?
Gotta go,
D.

Mi Chiamo Donnie

Come va,
It means how are you. You may respond,no so la, which means I don't know. You could
say,buonissima, which means very good. Then again you could say fuggetaboudit, which
could mean a lot of different things. You know what I mean? I would refer you to
Donnie Brasco(the movie) when Donnie is asked by the two FBI guys what this 'fugget-
aboudit' means. You gotta watch it, on account of my memory would'nt do it justice,
should I try to explain it to you. In his book, A Goomba's Guide to Life(a must read)
Steven R. Schirripa(Bobby Bacala;The Sopranos) says that fuggeddaboudit is a multi-
purpose interjection, meaning anything from "You're welcome," to "Don't mention it,"
to "You have no idea," to "I'll take care of it," to "the guy is dead meat."
It is what it is, capisci mi?
This ain't even what I was gonna talk about. I had this thing to say about Uncle
Donnies' Diner, and about the veal parmesan and the pork butt that I prepared
recently. Sometimes I wonder about myself! My trophy wife Betty gets me though, she
has the ability to comprehend the incomprehendable(or is it incomprehensible?)....
me...Mi chiamo Donnie.
It's like da Vinci said, "The greatest deception men suffer is from their own
opinions."
Sound familiar?
Whattayagonnado?
A dopo,
D.