EFF IT, WE'RE GOING DANCING

Hey, hows everybody doin? Uncle D. hopes you all hadda Buon Natale. That would be a Merry
Christmas,for most of you, if you know what I mean? We hadda pretty swell Christmas this year,
and I even wept at a church service on Christmas eve, whattayagonna do, It was that moving.
We had some good eats like ale chili on the Friday before Christmas, and uova in purgatorio(eggs
in purgatory) on Saturday morning. Maybe some day D. will tell you about that dish, and maybe not,
we'll see how it goes. On Christmas day it was seafood casserole, savory cheesy potatoes, and  ham.
Oh yeah, we had mimosas and gingerbread cookies and a little J. Daniels, just to make the season
bright, capisci mi? Was it good , you say? Fuggetaboudit! It wassa so good mi amici.
Have you ever mixed a little J. Daniels with a glass of Airborne? Just askin?
So from various forays into the Peoples Republic of Portland I ran across three of the funniest sayings
in 2011. One was a bumper sticker that read'  New York, London, Paris, Estacada.
The next was on a T-shirt at the Saturday market which read;  Caution, Cooking leads to Spooning
and Forking. The last was in a window of one of the little shops, on a framed print which read: Eff
It, we're going dancing. Uncle D laughed at all three!
The best quote of the year came from the Puritan, John Flavel: "The lust must be subdued if the
conversation is to be honest!"
Hey, when you are havin a little vino on New Years Eve, be it bianco or rosso, think of Betty, Buggles
and Uncle D.
Devotissimo Su
Uncle Donnie

Have You Ever Wondered?

Have you ever wondered why the lady who works at the Home Depot at the contractor check-out
always looks like she's about ready to commit suicide?  I mean it's really sad to see this little female
person mope around and never smile. I try to smile at her, but to no avail, and before long I'm
gettin suicidal thoughts myself and have to get outta there pronto, you know what I mean? She hands
me my receipt and circles some website number and says to me,"fill out this survey so I can keep
my job."Well, Merry Christmas(which is British for Feliz Navitad) to you too, right?
Have you ever wondered why the guy on the radio says,"listen to the Oldies, so you can stay younger."
Does that make any sense? Not to Uncle Donnie!
So, the Kid asks me today,"why do we get bellybutton lint"? Have you ever wondered why guys get
bellybutton lint and girls don't? I says to the Kid, "thanks for asking, but thats a little beyond my
skill-set. Marone, he always asks me the tough ones!
Have you ever known a male lactation expert? I know its a loaded question, but really, does such a
thing exist? Or have you ever wondered why there are so many Oriental doctors, or that very few
crooks become lawyers, but many, many lawyers become crooks?
I mean sometimes I wonder.
Do You?

In bocca al lupo(Good Luck)
Uncle Donnie

Ode To Sonny Sal

Hey, Buon Natale, everyone!
Been back from Florida a coupla days and back in the swing of things, you know what
I mean. It's good to be home....hey, its good to be back home again. Thank you John Denver. Anyways, I got this little ditty I thot you might like. I call it....Ode to
Sonny Sal Natali:
There once was a guy named Sonny Sal Natali
Who handled his affairs down some back alley
Coz, if a guy hadda go, than a guy hadda go
at the hand of one Sonny Natali.
Not a day would go by
widout widows who cried
No thanks to one Sallie Natali.
(Names have been changed to protect the innocent, you unnastand!)
Here are a few must reads for the budding gangster:
The Rat In the Hat
Curious George Goes to Prison
One fish two fish now he sleeps with the fishes
Fun With Dick and Pain
How the Fence Stole Christmas
I guess me telling you this stuff is about as unnecessary as a Happy Hour in Ireland,
but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do...right?
And now Uncle Donnie thinks it is time for Jack Daniels.
Hit the road Jack, and don't ya come back no more, no more, no more, no more
Hit the the road Jack, and don't you come back no more......what you say?
Hit the road Jack, and don't ya come back no more.............
Tiamo,
D.

Our Blue Light Special

Greetings from South Florida,
Just had dinner, and my trophy wife Betty is holding our new grandson, Aiden Michael
Mahar,thanks to Lt. and Mrs.Mahar. He's a beautiful little guy,you know what I mean?
Been warm and mostly dry,and we've just been lounging.
They had to keep little Aiden over a warm blue light on account of him being jaundiced,
which lasted about five days. Kinda hard for the parents,but all is now well and I will
always remember him as our little blue light special,if you unnastand my meaning.
Uncle D. is very proud, and Lily, she's just a peach and a delight,just like her
Grandpa, right?
Gotta go,
D.

Mi Chiamo Donnie

Come va,
It means how are you. You may respond,no so la, which means I don't know. You could
say,buonissima, which means very good. Then again you could say fuggetaboudit, which
could mean a lot of different things. You know what I mean? I would refer you to
Donnie Brasco(the movie) when Donnie is asked by the two FBI guys what this 'fugget-
aboudit' means. You gotta watch it, on account of my memory would'nt do it justice,
should I try to explain it to you. In his book, A Goomba's Guide to Life(a must read)
Steven R. Schirripa(Bobby Bacala;The Sopranos) says that fuggeddaboudit is a multi-
purpose interjection, meaning anything from "You're welcome," to "Don't mention it,"
to "You have no idea," to "I'll take care of it," to "the guy is dead meat."
It is what it is, capisci mi?
This ain't even what I was gonna talk about. I had this thing to say about Uncle
Donnies' Diner, and about the veal parmesan and the pork butt that I prepared
recently. Sometimes I wonder about myself! My trophy wife Betty gets me though, she
has the ability to comprehend the incomprehendable(or is it incomprehensible?)....
me...Mi chiamo Donnie.
It's like da Vinci said, "The greatest deception men suffer is from their own
opinions."
Sound familiar?
Whattayagonnado?
A dopo,
D.

Jesus, The Messiah

"To the question, whether this hope has ever been realised--or rather, whether One
has appeared Whose claims to Messiahship have stood the test of investigation and of
time--impartial history can make only one answer. It points to Bethlehem and to
Nazerath. If the claims of Jesus have been rejected by the Jewish Nation, He has at
least, undoubtedly, fulfilled one part of the Mission prophetically assigned to the
Messiah. Whether or not He be the loin of the tribe of Judah, to Him, assuredly, has
been the gathering of the nations, and the isles have waited for His law. Passing the
narrow bounds of obscure Judaea, and breaking down the walls of national prejudice
and isolation, He has made the sublimer teaching of the Old Testament the common
possession of the world, and founded a great Brotherhood, of which The God of Israel
is the Father. He alone also has exhibited a life, in which absolutely no fault
could be found; and promulgated a teaching, to which absolutely no exception can be
taken. Admittedly, He was the one perfect man--the ideal of humanity, His doctrine the one absolute teaching. The world has known none other, none equal. And the world
has owned it, if not by the testimony of words, yet by the evidence of facts.
Springing from such a people; born, living, and dying in circumstances, and using
means, the most unlikely of such results--The Man of Nazerath has, by universal
consent, been the mightiest factor in our worlds history: alike politically, socially
intellectually, and morally. If He be not the Messiah, He has at least thus far done
the Messiah's work. If He be not the Messiah, the world has not, and never can have
a Messiah."
Alfred Edersheim, The Life And Times Of Jesus The Messiah
Mi Chiamo
Donnie

When They Handed Out Brains.......

Thing is, Uncle D. has been very busy lately. Been working alot on account of my
clients have been pumping out the projects and you gotta make hay when the sun
shines, right? It's all good! I mean. if I'm busy the less trouble I can get into;
at least that's how it should work, all things being equal and all, right? Don't
they say that idle hands are the devils workman,or is it workshop. I dunno, but you get my meaning. Uncle D. needs to stay busy, and I need to be busy with work that
pays, capisci mi?
I ran across this other truism recently.....some(read most)guys are just dull enough
to think they have an opinion, and dumb enough to think it viable! I say, if I want
your opinion, I'll give it to you. You know what I mean? Here in Oregon we just try
to keep it simple. Simple is as simple does, right? I agree! I mean some of these
guys are like this: when they handed out brains, you thot they said trains, and you
missed yours. Fuggetaboudit! What can I say? Whattayagonnado, whats done is done!
Shut up aboudit and move on.
I'm not sayin.....I'm just sayin.
Til next time,
D.

Heathen, Heathen, Get Away From That.........

Uncle D. hadda outta town project this past weekend. Yeah, hadda go to Astoria.
Not New York wiseguy, Astoria, Oregon, out here in the northwest, not the northeast.
Sheesh, try to keep up, alright.
Anyways, my son-in-law Bryon Shitzal went with me, and helped alot. See, Bryon,
sometimes referred to as Braindead,goes back a long ways with mi famiglia, and he
was trained in whatever he does now by me, Uncle D..He's a good guy and practically
grew up in my work van, where he learned that whatever happens in the van, stays in
the van, you know what I mean? Anyways, he got the privilege to wed my secondi girl,
K.. In a sense they kinda grew up together, on account of we knew his famiglia pretty
well, and we attended the same church. I know itsa small world, and the older I get
(read; the younger I get), the world seems to get smaller and smaller. Now, I say
that, to say this, that Bryons sister, Mrs. Armstrong just happens to be married to
my crazy, not so young friend anymore, Zak Lohrts Armstrong, aka,Don Sparky.
The stories, I could tell, fuggetaboudit! Itsa small world after all, right?
Good people!
So on the way to Astoria, we thought we'd stop and put the food bags on and grab
some lunch. Since we both agreed we hadn't had food poisoning for a while, we chose
Dairy Queen. Luckily, we survived. On the way out I heard some mom screaming to her
son,"HEATHEN, HEATHEN, GET AWAY FROM THAT DOOR!" I thot, that's a strange name for
a little boy, though he was acting a bit like Satan. To my surprise, she was actually
screaming,"ETHAN, ETHAN, GET AWAY FROM THAT DOOR. Which proves that you can"t
always trust what you hear....especially at Dairy Queen!
I think that food affected my hearing!

Whattayagonnado
Don

The Separation of Church and Steak

So last week me and my trophy wife Betty attended a fund raiser, a gala, I think
they called it, at a church which will remain nameless, on account of this place
was a freaking palace, you know what I mean? Now, Uncle Donnie is the last person
to cast aspersions,but fuggetaboudit, you shoulda seen this place....it rocked; so
maybe a bit of lampooning is called for. You drive up to this place and you begin
to think, this has gotta be a five-star place; this is a church that looks like a
valet service is gonna take care of your car, and the doorman(read usher) is gonna
escort you to the shuttle system to connect you to any number of destinations, like
The SS wing, or the cafe which offers Starbucks, actually I think there was a
Starbucks there, or the Youth Ministry Resort,or maybe to the Preaching Pavilion,
where an attendant will meet you with a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and
a bottle of Perrier. I mean this was quite a place, capisci mi? I'm sure it hadda
Concierge service to help your attendance(read stay) be a happy one, and probably
a service to book your after church tee times and make lunch reservations at one of
their fine eateries, Marone, It wassa little too nice and a little too much! Remember, Uncle D. is from Eagle Creek.
Enough of my vituperations(hadda look that one up)and insinuations. Just pokin a
little fun, you know what I mean? Who am I to judge? It's like in Godfather2 when
young Tessio asks young Vito,"Wattaya think about the girl, Vito?" To which Vito
says,"I'm happy if your happy." Churches are like that; If your happy there, I'm
happy.....whattayagonna do?
Did I mention that the Ushers were wearing top hats and tails?
Just a little pasquinade.
Your Pal,
Donnie

Happiness or Righteousness

Uncle D. read this from LLoyd-Jones, on the Sermon on the Mount:
"Blessed-or happy-are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness. They are the
only true happy people. Now the whole world is seeking for happiness; there is no
question about that. Everybody wants to be happy. That is the great motive behind
every act and ambition, behind all work and all striving and all effort. Everything
is designed for happiness. But the great tragedy of the world is that, though it
gives itself to seek for happiness, it never seems to be able to find it. The present
state of the world reminds us of that very forcibly. What is the matter? I think the
answer is that we have never understood this text as we should have done. Blessed are
they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness. What does it mean? Let me put it
negatively like this. We are not to hunger and thirst after blessedness; we are not
to hunger and thirst after happiness. But that is what most people are doing. We put
happiness and blessedness as the one thing that we desire, and thus we always miss
it; it always eludes us. According to the Scriptures happiness is never something
that should be sought directly; it is always something that results from seeking
something else."
"The world is seeking for happiness. That is the meaning of its pleasure mania, that
is the meaning of everything men and women do, not only in their work but still more
in their pleasures. They are trying to find happiness, they are making it their goal,
their one objective. But they do not find it because, whenever you put happiness before righteousness, you will be doomed to misery. That is the great message of the
Bible from beginning to end. They alone are truly happy who are seeking to be
righteous. Put happiness in the place of righteousness and you will never get it."

I Am Not Mickey Rooney

So Betty and I and my third daughter H. went out to dinner and a movie tonight,on
account of it being Halloween and we did'nt want to have all those little monsters-
in-training show up on our doorstep for the usual, you know what I mean?
The dinner was so-so,but the movie was really good. We watched Money Ball with Brad
Pitt. You know some say that Uncle D. looks alot like B.P. or is it that B.P. looks like Uncle Donnie? I dunno, makes no difference right? Right! Actually, there is more
of a resemblance to Bob Redford,although when D. was a kid,he looked more like Mickey
Rooney, more than he likes to admit, whattayagonnado? I think it was the big head,
big nose and the strawberry blonde hair what did me in. Nobody ever accused me of being handsome, you know what I mean? Or tall...Mickey Rooney tall, capisci mi? It
is what it is and thats it, right?
Been readin a few new books lately. One on the Sermon On the Mount by D. Martyn LLoyd
Jones, and one by Alfred Eidersheim,The Life and Times of Jesus the Messiah, which
will probably keep me occupied for the rest of the winter.
Winter! Youse can have winter. Uncle D. is more of a fair weather sort of individual,
which, might be construed that I would rather have things nice and rosy, and warm!
Guilty, as charged!

Later,
Uncle D.

The Amazing Mr. Woods

So we were playing cards this past Fr. with our friends the Woods, which we try to do every week, unless something should come up and then we don't play. It's a very
simple thing we got goin, sometimes we play and sometimes we don't, capisci mi?
So we're havin a drink and beginning the first hand and Mrs.Woods starts explaining
the different way she and T. communicate, right? I communicate with words, she says, and T. communicates with pictures, meaning that T. sees pictures in his mind and trys to explain to her what he sees.(like I gotta draw her a picture right?)Only its
difficult sometimes for T. to put his pictures into words. This is all quite serious
and proper, right? Then from nowhere T. exclaims thats right, I'm psychic....I can
read my mind!!!! We all just howled with laughter, and T. had the giggles for the
rest of the evening. Youse shoulda been there, it was a classic.
Did I tell you that friends are importanti?
They really are, you know what I mean?

Ciao,
Uncle D.

Wassamatter, You don't like a my stewp?

I guess this must be, Lets throw Don under the bus again week, on account of a coupla
stories that mighta happened recently. First, my trophy wife Betty gets it started
by lettin me know that the soup I made did'nt have enough broth and was more like a stew than a soup. What, fuggetaboudit, if it looks like a soup, and walks like a
soup, and quacks like a soup, guess what it ain't a stew, you know what I mean? Hey,
maybe, just maybe, Uncle Donnie is a genius, culinarily speaking of course, in
creating a new dish, part soup and stew, you know what I mean.....itsa stewp Betty.
Part soup and part stew....a stewp. This why I always end up under the bus. You
remember the song Under the Boardwalk? For me its the same tune to Under the School
Bus....School Bus!
Then, daughter 3 gets into the act, bustin my chops about a comment I made about
having the ability to think in three different cultures. Uncle D. is diverse, what
can I say? So she says to that, yeah, your diverse alright, your brain does work
in three cultures....backwoods,red neck, and trailer park!
Under the School Bus....School Bus!
Whattayagonnado?

D.

You may like Pampas Grass.....

Uncle Donnie never met a conversation he did'nt like, on account of I always have
an opinion. Good or bad, I always weigh in, you know what I mean? The truth of the
matter is that ignorance on any topic or subject has never deterred my speaking to
it, or commenting on it. Marone, you'd think I'd learn my lesson by now, right?
What am I supposed to do, not say anything....fuggetaboudit, I'm gonna say it,right?
Maybe I just like to here myself talk, and while I'm talking, maybe I just want you
to listen, or I just like to hear you listening to my talking, you know what I mean?
I am sure my trophy wife Betty believes I suffer from diarrhea of the mouth at times,
most times is more like it, but really my babblings(read genius) are more like a
diapason(a burst of harmonious sound) than diarrhea(a burst of something else)capisci
mi? Some might say, Don, you just like to argue, but Don thinks when he speaks,there
really is'nt any arguing about it. You don't think I'm bad, do you? I did'nt think
so, all things considered.
Me, I'm a talker.
You may like Pampas grass,and I'm no pompous ass!
Ti amo,
D.

I Second That Devotion

Hey, come stai,
Hope everyting is going well for all of youse. Havin a smiley weekend my self,and
all is, as it should be... well, on account of Uncle D. is feelin pretty good. Played
a little golf on Fri. with my partner, the ever gracious, Takashi, he aint no fugazi,
always the ATM for his kids, Woods. Later that evening, Me and My trophy wife Betty
played cards with Mr. and Mrs. Woods, and the girls gave us a lesson, you know what
I mean? The two of them have been havin their way with us lately.....yeah, and with card playing too, Whattayagonnado, Think we're gonna have to start playing some full
contact scrabble, you know what I mean? Maybe, mix in a little MMA yahtzee or some
WWF Candyland, sheesh, I dunno, anything to change the mojo right? Fuggetaboudit!
So the Pastor guy at church was talking about devotion, using the example Of Mary
annointing Christs feet and wiping them with her hair. John 12. The obvious quesstion
was,how devoted to Christ am I? Good question, you know what I mean? Been a believer
for over forty years, and that question remains the question for Uncle D.
What am I willing to sacrifice for someone who sacrificed everything for me?
Marone, what a tough question for a pretty selfish guy like Uncle D.?
Grace, grace, Gods grace,
Grace that is greater than all my sin!
D.

Vote Early and Vote Often

So, I saw a bumper sticker the other day which proclaimed: Politicians and diapers
have alot in common and need to be changed regularly! So, I immediately start the
process of thought, and came up with the obvious conclusion, and believed it to be
undeniably true. I mean, Uncle D. was not born yesterday, right? This is an obvious
fact.Personally, Uncle D. falls some where between apathy and ridicule when it comes
to the political arena. Me, I'm an avowed inderepulicratarian, you know, a little
independent, a little bit more republican, a whole lot less democrat, and just a pinch of libertarian to balance everything out, you know what I mean?
Believe it or not, I did watch a coupla republican candidate debates recently, and
went away basically unsatisfied. I mean Romney comes across like a big nerd, Perry,
leaves me with the feeling that he could give a big Texas crap about what anybody
has to say, or think, for that matter. M.Bachman(not to be confused with Bachman
Turner Overdrive)puts a bad taste in my mouth, as does Santorum, and Huntsman,former
governor of something, I really don't recall, he really does'nt float Uncle D's
boat, if you unnastand my meaning? So, that leaves me with Herman Cain, who I kinda
have a man crush on, Newt(can we really have a salamander for Pres.), Gary Johnson,
former governor of New Mexico, and my favorite Rep.Ron(I'll never get elected) Paul.
D. wonders sometimes about a candidate with two first names, but the guy has been
around the barn a few times amd I like his economic views, whattayagonnado?
So if you have a brain at all. let it vote for Cain or Paul!
Fuggetaboudit, right?

Later,
Uncle Donnie

The Last Day of September

Uncle Donnie is usually not very good at predicting sporting contests, so I might as
well, what have I got to lose? My picks for the World Series this year are the Tampa
Rays from the AL, and the Philadelphia Phillies from the NL. I have always loved the
Yankees, but I think they are gettin a little old, you know what I mean?
My trophy wife Betty is visiting our Florida family this week. Lt. Mahar is on a
deployment somewhere so Betty is down there helpiing Hallie and Lily. Hallie, as
you may know is great with child and having her mom down there is a treat for them.
Uncle Donnie already has a nickname for the new one......Cheech....Cheech Mahar,
what a great name for the little fella. I knew you'd agree.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you that Buggles(my former editor) got her letter
of acceptance to bible school. She starts in January 2012. We're all pretty jazzed
about it. Cannon Beach will never be the same after this next year, capisci mi?
Ever hear about a guy by the name of Elton Trueblood? I've been reading a book of
his entitled, The Yoke Of Christ...and other sermons.The last two chapters really
spoke to me. One was called The Power Of Small Fellowships, and the other, The
Home as a Foretaste of the Kingdom. Look him up, you won't be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure Jesus would have you read some Martyn LLoyd-Jones as well. Act like
a sponge and soak up some of his works, you know what I mean?

Have a great October 1st,
Uncle D.

Think Responsibly

So lately, Uncle Donnie has been concerned about the many problem 'thinkers' in our
culture! For instance, we have way too many underage thinkers, you know what I mean?
I don't know why, maybe it's due to the under developed chromosomes in their cranial
cavity, or maybe their just stupid, I dunno. Come on young people; don't think and
drive, and fuggetabout this; we don't think and we don't chew, but we might go with
girls who do! Think responsibly, capisci mi?
Whattabout the social thinkers, whats their problem anyways? They only think when
they go to parties or meetings or therapy group, where they try to impress with how
many thoughts they can hold, you know these people right? They really think they can
think you under the table, marone, as if that could really happen to an experienced
thinker, right? I mean you've probably forgot more about thinking than they will
ever know! Whattayagonnado!
Next we have to deal with the binge thinker, who is slugging down thot after thot,
non-stop until he can't think anymore. This person is usually on a three day think
bender and is seriously a candidate for thinkers anonymous, which may prove that
thinking may be hazardous to your health, if you get my meaning!
Time simply won't allow me to examine the closet thinker or the non-thinker, but I
will mention, in closing, the healthy thinker, who like Uncle Donnie puts some thot
in his thinks. Moderation, and proper thinking habits, like two adult thinks a day,
makes for a healthy thinking person!
Oh yeah, I almost forgot, keep away from all those thinking fountains out there, O.K.

Ciao,
D.
Hey, the next time I see ya, the thinks will be on me!

The Kid gets married

Uncle Donnie had quite a week! Yeah, it was wedding week for the young man who works
for me, you may remember him as Kid Gazelle. Two wonderful families were joined
together through this new union. It was an honor to be a part of the whole thing, you
know what I mean? The Sicilians say,"casa senza fimmina 'mpuvirsci", which means how
poor is a home without a woman! D. says truer words were never spoken. La buona moglie fa il buon marito, which is Italian for, a good wife makes a good husband.
My trophy wife Betty is in hearty agreement, capisci mi?

Sogni d'oro (sweet dreams)
Uncle Donnie

Christians Are Like Manure?

So Uncle Donnie finished reading Crazy Love, you know, the book I was telling you
about recently! Seems like it was a little better than I expected, seein how this guy Chan, Pastor Chan, is still alive. I wonder though if people will be reading
this book fifty years from now, you know what I mean? Here was the best story in the
book;"A friend of mine once said that Christians are like manure: spread them out
and they help everything grow better, but keep them in one big pile and they stink
horribly. Which are you? The kind that reeks, around which people walk a wide swath?
Or the kind that trusts God enough to let Him spread you out---whether that means
going outside your normal group of Christian friends, increasing your material giving, or using your time to serve others?" Cute, right? It just kinda weird having
God and manure and Christians in the same thought,you know what I mean? Maybe You
should get rid of some of your 'crappy' friends! Marone, I can't believe I just said
that.....fuggetaboudit! I mean whattayagonnado?
I guess Pastor Chan has a point, right. Were sposed to live lives that produce that
sweet smelling aroma, the kind of lives that 'talk' matches 'walk', capisci mi?
Fruit of the Spirit living rather than lusts of the flesh living, right?
My cousin, Timmy Highstuff used to say, "hey if you were immersed in a tub of puke,
would you open your eyes?"
Which, when I stop to think about it, has nuttin to do with the book, but I thot
it might get your attention, on account of some of you might be fallin asleep right
about now!
I'm not saying, I'm just saying, you know?

Ciao, Bene.
Donnie

Relax and Smell the Bourbon

Uncle D. likes to laugh and he likes to lounge; two pretty good 'L' words, right?
Leisure is good too, but not lazy, capisci mi? I mean its not like I'm doing nothing
in my leisure time. It's more like whatever I'm doing, I'm doing it leisurely. When
I water the garden, I do it leisurely. Whenever I mow the lawn, I mow it leisurely.
It's like Uncle D. is going nowhere fast, so whereever I go, I go leisurely. It's
more like that Tommy Bahama mentality, like a laid back, leisurely attitude applied
to just about everything! Relax and smell the bourbon, I mean flowers. Whattayagonna
do?
Don't get me wrong,labor is very important too, right? I mean we have a national
holiday commemerating it, Labor Day, don't we? I mean it's all good, we're sposed to
enjoy the fruit of our labor, and he that won't labor won't get to eat, and six days
you should labor and then the seventh, rest and have leisure, right? Are you gettin
my meaning here? Keep up paisan, this ain't rocket surgery, you know what I mean?
All that aside, Uncle D. would have you stay loose and shake yourself from time to
time and love your people, like you've never loved before, like a labor of love,
you know, what I mean?

Uncle Donnie

Who Puts The Pot In PotPie

Uncle Donnie made a shrimp potpie last week and it was pretty good. I put the 'pot' in
potpie, you know what I mean? Schmoogly Peirson made the pie dough to help me out a little, and then we ate it! Whattayagonnado, not eat it? fuggetaboudit, we ate it!
Hey, do not try the new beer on the market, it's called Heiferbison, and it will really put the pounds on, I swear on my families honor, this stuff will get you!
Uncle D has been reading a new book this week called Crazy Love by a Pastor guy from
Cali. by the name of Francis Chan. I'm uncertain about whether or not I like this book,
but I'm gonna finish it, even though the author is still alive. I really prefer dead guy
authors, you know what I mean? I told you about Burroughs book, Gospel Conversation,
did'nt I? Now thatsa book!I'm gonna finsh it tonight,but will reread in a coupla months,
on account of it is a very challenging work, and I need to be challenged. I might not
be up to the challenge, but I still need the challenge, if you unnastand my meaning?
Sorry to finish so abruptly, but my favorite show is about to start. It's called The
Real Househeifers of Eagle Creek.

D.

Swimming in a pool of peach bellini

So Sunday we had our friends over for an afternoon visit. The Stangleys; you remember,
our friends from Eagle Creek. They have four daughters remember? All women! Really
great people, Uncle D. loves them alot. Anyways, we hadda nice brunch, I made marinara,
fried up some sausages with peppers and onions, fried some potatoes, and some over-easy
eggs, some rosemary bread toast, and some mimosas' to wash it all down with. It wassa
joosta a nice meal and a great time to catch with up great friends. We talked religion and politics, and about books we had been readin. We talked family and travel, and alot
more stuff...it was a good day, you know what I mean? Did I mention that we laughed alot?
Hey, we laughed alot. Laughter is good anytime right?
Crying is important for many reasons, but laughing until you're crying is like being
dipped in a trough of fresh spumoni, or like swimming in a pool of peach bellini, or
like sleeping in a bed of fresh basil and rosemary, and waking up to all the gelato youse could get youse hands on, capisci?
It's like when grandaughter Lily told her mom recently.....Don't get sad mommie, get
glad! That mi amici is funny, and made Uncle D. laugh out loud!
Ciao
D.

If it ain't coke don't mix it!

Uncle D. recently finished the autobiography of Lucky Luciano entitled the Last
Testament of Lucky Luciano. Now for those of you who don't recognize this guys name, I will tell you he was the true father of organized crime, for he was the one who organized
all the factions, and indeed was the leader for many years.
Both Lucky(Salvatore Lucania) and Frank Sinatra could boast...Io sono Siciliano....I am
Sicillian; whatta schocker, right? In fact they were both from the same town in the hills
of Sicily, one Lercara Friddi, located in the core territory of the Mafia. Not far from this little villiage was the the town of Corleone, a community credited with the breeding
of more future American mafiosi than any other place in Sicily.
Anyways, I enjoyed readin it. Wanted to read it for some time, you know what I mean?
Coupla months ago our Pastors wife gave a little sermom on Mothers day, and in it she
posed this question; if you could invite for dinner any deceased person from history,
who would you choose? I know! It sounded weird to me too, at first. Then I began to
consider all the possiblities that interested me, you know the obvious, parents, grand
parents, friends, loved ones, the Apostles, Mickey Mantle, all those great Puritan guys,
and the list goes on and on, right? Call me crazy, but I'd like to sit down and share a
meal with a guy like Luciano, or Capone. Meyer Lansky would work as well would Joe
(bananas)Bonnano, or Tony Accardo from Chicago. That would be quite a meal, you know
what I mean?
My advice to you in closing would sound something like this:
Just as if it ain't broke don't fix it, then, if it ain't coke don't mix it!
And when mums the word, then rums the word!
A Dopo
Uncle D.

This Ain't Jr. League Soccer

Uncle Donnie wants to know where the summer went? I mean, hear it is the second week of
August already, and nothing much has been going on, you know what I mean? Sure, we've
played alotta cards and dominoes; yeah, I said dominoes! I hate those dom daminoes!
Maybe its just the foul mood D. is in, on account of D. can't win at anything lately.
My trophy wife Betty has been beatin me in cribbage, canasta, and dominoes...sheesh!
Did I say I hate those dom daminoes? Dominoes is a good game to play if you can have
two or seven adult bevs; especially if Schmoogli(the little s--- Pierson) is playin, you
know what I mean? Other than that, a poke in the eye with a sharp swizzle stick would
be more fun. Fuggetaboudit paisan!
Coupla weeks ago though, we went on a overnigther with Takashi, he aint no fugazi,
the Japanese ATM Woods and Mrs. Woods. Oh yeah, third daughter B. and cousin Schmoogli
tagged along too. We headed to the Rondiserous restaurant for a sangwich and a coupla
raspberry lemonades, and then proceeded over the mountain to Kahneeta Resort...Marone,
Uncle D. was in his element! What can I say? I will summarize: Golf,swimming,food,
Indian fry bread, drinks around the pool, and dominoes(not really an old timers game).
We hadda lot of fun. We ran into a new drink over there called something on the beach,
sex on the beach to be accurate...s.o.t.b.. Perfect on a hot day,whattayagonnado?
I know its a ladies drink, but this aint exactly little league we're talkiin here,
I mean this ain't jr. soccer, capisci mi?
Later,
D.

Grace and Corruption Mingled

So Schmoogli Pierson has been here for about a week now. Its all good she's fun to have
around, although, I think her and third daughter and former editor Buggles could find
a lot of trouble if left to themselves, you know what I mean? Girls will be girls,whatta
ya gonna do?
This past Tuesday we finished a year long study of a book by Thomas Watson; A Godly Mans
Portrait. We hadda good time with a good book from an old dead guy, Marone, I really
like those kind of books! Here is a little taste for you to dip your beak in:
"There are, in the best of saints, interweavings of sin and grace: a dark side with the
light; much pride mixed with humility; much earthliness with heavenliness. Grace in the
godly smacks of an old crabtree stock.
No, in many of the regenerate there is more corruption than grace. So much smoke that
you can scarcely discern any fire; so much distrust that you can hardly see any faith
(1Sam.27:1); so much passion that you can hardly see any meekness. Jonah, a peevish
prophet, quarrels with God, no, he justifies his passion:"I do well to be angry, even
unto death(Jonah4:9). Here there was so much passion that it was hard to see any grace.
A Christian in this life is like a glass that has more froth than wine, or like a
diseased body that has more fluids than vigour. It may humble the best to consider how
much corruption is interlarded with their grace."

Ciao,
D.

Auf Deutsch, Bitte

Guten Tag,
Wie geht es ihnen? Sehr Gut!
German, what a weird language, you know what I mean? Uncle D. speaks a little, and I
mean very little German, on account of four years of High school language classes back
in the day. I took four years but spent one year in the hall or in the deans office,you
know what I mean? The last two years of class was all in German, no English........
fuggetaboudit. If I wasn't asleep with my head on the desk, anytime the teacher asked
me a direct question, all I could reply was, Ich weiss es nicht genau( I don't know
that now). I really can't remember how I got through four years of that? Whattaya
gonna do?
On another note, this is the forty yr. reunion for my graduating class, class of 71.
Uncle Donnie could care less and probably will not be attending again,since I chose
not to attend the earlier reunions. O.K. maybe D. is a jerk, but I can live with that,
capisci mi?
Hey, I gotta scoot. Gotta go get some groceries, on account of I'm makin dinner tonight.

Auf wiedersehen,
Uncle Dieter(I mean Donnie)

Coupla more gangster flcks for you:
St. Valentines Day Massacre
C'era Una Voila In America( Once Upon a Time In America)
Mickey Blue Eyes
The Last Don(Mario Puzo)
Bugsy

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

So what if Uncle D. lived in Russia? Youse would be calling me Uncle Dimitri,or Uncle Vanya or something like that, right? If I was from Germany, I would be Uncle Dieter; if
from Spain I would be Uncle Diego,or howsabout in Italy where Uncle Dante or Uncle
Dominic might work, right? Ting is, no matter where I lived, nobody, and I mean nobody would know me as Uncle Dipstick,or Uncle Dumbshrimp or Uncle Dirtbag,or Dufus ,or Dillweed or Dimwit, you know what I mean? This would demonstrate a serious lack of respect, and I would look ridiculous, and a man in my position cannot afford to be made
to look ridiculous!(producer Jack Woltz to Tom Higgins, The Godfather)
I'm just sayin.
Anyways, my youngest daughter, and former editor, just got back from seeing the last
installment of the Harry Potter series, and Marone, enough of the snakes and the goblins
and the the guy what had no nose already. For awhile, I thought I was back in Detroit,
capisci mi?
Did youse know that Harry had a french half-brother name Enrie Potier? Me neither!
Yeah, and I guess it caused quite a stir with the author to.
Whattayagonnado?
Uncle Donnie

Il riso e la migliore medicina

So Uncle Donnie went to buy a new pair of work boots and ended up at REI, which stands
for really expensive items. It was there that I learned that I could not afford to start
hiking, on account of a pair of boots were the equivalent of the cost of a small used car. Three hundred clams, fuggetaboudit. Maybe if could hike naked,which I could do
fairly cheaply, then I could afford the boots, you know what I mean? Who is gonna want to go hiking with a naked guy with very nice boots? Not even my trophy wife Betty would
go with me! I mean, don't we tell our kids, don't go hiking with any naked person with
very expensive boots? Don't we have to draw the line somewhere, and aren't their places
designated for naked hikers wearing very expensive boots from REI?
I gotta laugh outta my good friend Takashi, he ain't no fugazi Woods, otherwise known as
the Japanese human ATM machine. We were playing cards and out of the blue he says he
feels like he is an ATM machine for his kids. Uncle D. laughed pretty hard at that one.
Cha-ching cha-ching here that cash register sing! He is the automatic Takashi machine!
Il riso e la migliore medicina......
Laughter is the best medicine.....
Sayonara,
D.

Sinatra or Mathis

In the wee small hours of the morning,
while the whole wide world is fast asleep.
You lie awake and think about the girl.
and never even think of counting sheep.
When your lonely heart has learned its lesson,
you'd be hers if only she would call.
In the wee small hours of the morning,
thats the time you miss her most of all.
Everybody who is anybody has covered this lovely song. My two favorites, as you might
easily guess, would be Sinatra and Mathis,with Tony Bennett,a distant third.
Singing is good! I'm pretty sure Jesus wants us to sing, you know what I mean?
Franks treatment of this particular tune is probably a little better than Johnnies; and
thats saying alot, on account of Uncle D. has always been partial to Mr. Mathis. If you
were to ask my trophy wife Betty, Say Betty, whats your favorite Mathis tune? Betty
would say, they are all my favorites; she has got such a great taste for music, you
know what I mean?
We went to see Mathis twice in concert; once with Bug who was the youngest person in
the auditorium, and once with my mother who was the happiest person in the auditorium.
Say it loud and its like music playing,
Say it soft and its almost like praying(Maria,from West side Story)
Singing is one of those great ing words!
Ciao
D.

Pizza and Golf Carts

Uncle D. made his first pizza sauce and pizza dough this past week,I think we had
pizza maybe three or four times,but it was all good. Me, I'm strictly pepperoni,
mi famiglia likes the works, everyting on the pie, you know what I mean? Vegetables,
fruit, you name it, it goes on the pie. They go with the onions and the olives and
the arugula(its a v e g e t a b l e,My Blue Heaven)and anything else youse can imagine.
And get this, I even used the food processor to make the dough.... yeah thats right,
thats me Donnie the food processor operator guy. I'm good like that, you know what I mean?
On another note, Uncle D has been teaching his daughter Bug how to drive. It is going real well, but I think she's gonna have to start driving me to the liquor store,on
account of Uncle Donnies nerves ain't what they used be, capisci, and then it really
will be true that she's drivin me to drink, if you unnastand my meaning?
It seems like just yesterday she was just drivin me around the golf course in the cart,
which technically only adults were supposed to drive,whats the big deal, she was 10 or 12
maybe younger, but the point is, fuggetaboudit, I can't remember what the point is...
Marone, I think I need a nap!
Arrivederci,
Uncle Donnie

Sunday at the beach

Hey, hey, hey, whattya say?
Uncle D went to the coast today, with Buggles and my trophy wife Betty and it was very
therapeutic! Been a year since we last got to the ocean. We took a very long walk on the
beach, and even though we saw a lot of Adams and Steves and Madams and Eves, we hadda
great time walking in the surf...I said surf not smurf pal!
Lately Uncle D has been libating with a new drink, a ginger and Jack. That would be
ginger ale and Jack Daniels. One part J.D. and three parts ginger ale and one slice of
lime. Its all good, you know what I mean? I think it helps me to concentrate and stay
focused, very therapeutic. I think I like that word therapeutic, and if you know me,
you know therapy is what I truely need, fuggetaboudit. It reminds me when Don Vito and
Michael were plannin their strategy and the Don says to Michael, "I've been drinking
more wine lately", and Michael says to the Don," don't worry pop, It's good for you",
and the Don says, "all my life I tried not to be careless, women can be careless. but
not men".
I guess it's better to be carefree than careless!
Whattayagonnado?
Donnie

Scougal, Flavel and Burroughs

Uncle Donnie just finished reading a great little book entitled, The Life Of God In the
Soul of Man, written by an old dead guy named Henry Scougal. Here is a little sample:
"The power and life of religion may be better expressed in actions than in words,
because actions are more lively things, and do better represent the inward principle
whence they proceed"....
"The root of Divine life is faith; the chief branches are love to God, charity to
man, purity and humility; for as an excellent person hath well observed, however these names be common and vulgar, and make no extraordinary sound, yet do they carry such a
mighty sense, that the tongue of men or angel can pronounce nothing more weighty or
excellent."
The next book entitled, Facing Grief; Counsel for Mourners, by John Flavel is another
good one that might come in handy... I'm pretty sure Jesus would have you read it, you
know what I mean?
This last book is really kickin my but, right where it needs to be kicked and for good reason, on account of Donnies behavior sometimes leaves much to be desired, if you know
what I mean? Anyways this book written by Jeremiah Burroughs is titled, Gospel
Conversation; Conduct Worthy of the Gospel, and it is a compelling read.... convicting
me with every page, whattamIgonnado?
Its like when the obvious is right in front of you and it blows right past you without
you knowing it. Just like in Godfather 1 when the Turk says to Tom Higgins,"whattsa
matter consigliere, if I wanted you dead, you'd be dead already, get in the car"
This book by Burroughs helps you to see the blown by obvious. Uncle D obviously would'nt
know the obvious even if the obvious jumped up and bit Uncle D on the........well,
I'm sure you get my meaning.
Get the book and read it.
Ciao,
D

The week that was

Just let me hear some of that rock and roll music
any ol time you choose it, its got a backbeat you can't lose it
Its gotta be rock and roll music if you wanna dance with me........
Vita Bella, capisci mi?
Solo tu solo tu solo tu mi amor.....Cara Mia tiamo.....
Makes me want to hear some Dean Martin records, you know what I mean?

I drink, therefore, I am..........silly
AL Kahaul
I'm a sad, sick little man
Abner Malatay

McDonalds is my kind of place
Meat patties in your face, french fries between your toes,
Pickles up your nose,and don't forget those frosted shakes
straight from polluted lakes
McDonalds is my kind of place

I gotta be me, I gotta be me
Daring to try, to do it or die
I gotta be me(Sammy Davis Jr.)

Did you rub my lamp, did you wake me up(the Genie)
Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs(Robin Williams)
Been one of those weeks!

Uncle D

Mischief In Manhattan

Hows everybody doin?
Just blew in from Montana. Hey, did you ever think how many states start with somebodies
name, like Al aska, or Cal ifornia, Ida ho, and Georgia, you know what I mean? Does'nt
work with Montana, whattayagonnado?
My neice, Schmooglie, the litte sh--, Peirson just graduated from high school...did you
ever ask why they call it high school? High School, I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin it sounds a little counter-culture like. If you get my meaning. It's like jr. high school
should be called small school right, and there you have it, the kids are gettin high and
gettin small all at the same time, at school, Mama Mia, I'm thinkin we have a problem.
We was real proud of Schmooglie(like when fat Clemenza tells Mike Corleone....."we was
real proud of you Mike, you bein a war hero and all")for all her accomplishments,
including those cinnamon rolls.....Marone!
First time in thirty-eight yrs. of marriage that me and Betty went somewhere on Memorial
Day weekend, and it hadda be beautiful downtown Manhattan, Montana.
And the after graduation party....fuggetaboudit!
Uncle D. thought he was in Belfast, what with all those car-bombs, you know what I mean?
Thanks citizens of Manhattan, we hadda ball!
Uncle D

Wisdom is as wisdom does!

"Does orthodoxy have a satisfactory answer to the dilemma which this nation faces?
This is an important question and demands an answer. If liberalism has been such an
influential agency for the creation of a movement away from constitutional government
and the traditional American freedom toward a collectivist society and some kind of
totalitarian regime, does Christian orthodoxy have a remedy for this situation?
The answer is found in the biblical view of government. The Scriptures clearly teach
that human government is of divine ordination and does not have as its origin in any
social compact or contract, as Hobbes and Locke taught, nor was it created by man
himself to meet the needs of his society. Rather does Christian theism insist that
government was ordained of God for man and that its just powers come from Him and not
from man. Government is not ordained primarily to defend human liberty, but to insure
that kind of society necessary for man to carry out those duties which he owes to God
alone. Thus, government has clearly defined powers and operates in a clearly defined
sphere. The basic error of liberalism at this point has been its insistence that
human government is a social institution, responsible to those men who created it and
is primarily concerned with the preservation of human rights as they were defined by
Jefferson and others of that day. This error is very popular among Christian people as
well as the nation at large and it has been productive of great error for it has allowed
the forces of political liberalism to extend the operations of government into spheres
where it has no right to be, and in so doing it has actually become a menace to the
human liberty which the liberals insist that it must protect. But above and beyond this, when human government extends its powers and operations to those spheres of human life
which God did not render subject to it, government then finds itself in opposition to
its divinely bestowed purposes for it takes unto itself powers which were never bestowed
upon it. It is this extension of power into these forbidden areas which has created the
modern totaliarian state. When human government enters into the field of labor relations,
education, mental and physical health, agriculture, housing, and those many other areas
of legislation so characteristic of the federal government today, it leaves its proper
functions and enters into those areas of life which God has either ordained that the
church or the family should have as their particular sphere of responsibility, or that
they should be the concern of some human institution which man may erect for his own
civil purposes under Gods grace.
The real problem then, is not basically the reduction of governmental expenses(as imp-
ortant as that is), nor the proper relationship between the states and the federal government, or the victory of one political party over another. All of these have their
place. But the basic issue is the reduction of the total scope of government, on both
the federal and state level, to those spheres which are clearly conferred upon it by the
Scriptures and the surrender of those extra-biblical powers which liberal political
philosophy and practice have given to it during the last one hundred years or so. Only
then will our government be truly Christian and freedom restored to its former and proper
place in the life of the American people."
C.Gregg Singer
A Theological Interpretation Of American History

Uncle D.

Carlos: I wish for you to love me!

..A maiden, Marian, a proletarian librarian, a clarion for humanitarian ideas, a kind of
contrarian grammarian,born a sagittarian to her father Valerian, a libertarian agrarian,
committed to trinitarian and sabbatarian views was a vegetarian all her life.
Maid Marian, a non-sectarian, non-parlimentarian millenarian came to odds with her father
Valerian, a gregarian, sexagenarian, over one Carlos, a rastafarian seminarian, who held
to strange pre-lapsarian and antiquarian views. Valerian, a superlapsarian, opposed
Carlos, an infralapsarian, and nothing became of their friendship.
And living to be a centenarian, this Marian, a proletarian, vegetarian, librarian, never
forgot her love for her rastfarian, seminarian.......Carlos.

Shrimp happens,
D.

Marinara shots and red wine chasers

Uncle D. hadda great adult beverage this week. We, my trophy wife Betty and I, went out
for some 'Happy Hour' nourishment,if you know what I mean? We had some food, a coupla
drinks, and basically had some catchin up to do, it was all good. Afterwards we went to
pick up some flowers to plant in our garden, see, Betty has trained Uncle D. to have an
eye for flowers and beauty and stuff like that....it's like what we do this time of year,
and I really look forward to it O.K.. Hey, am I going to fast for you? Try and keep up,
you know what I mean? So we're buyin all this gorgeous stuff; did I mention it was raining the entire time? Well, it was raining the entire time, and it was a little cold
as well. Imagine that, rainy and cold in Oregon(thats Oregone for my friends back east),
whattayagonnado? Anyways, this is all taking a coupla hours, and we remember we have to
pick up Bug, on account of she's working at the pizza joint. See, usually Bug would give
us a call, when her shift is over, and then we go get her, capisci mi? Except this time
we forget to bring our cell phones, mama mia, what am I Il Stupido, or what? So we load
up our plants and head for the pizza joint, only to find out she wants to have a little
something for dinner after her shift.......sooooooo Betty and I have another 'Happy
Hour' experience at the pizza joint. All this to say I had the great beverage of the
week, which was an Italian peach soda with a shot of vodka, and it wassa so good.
Now, my trophy wife Betty, who could take shots of marinara,with red wine chasers....she
issa so Italiano, hadda glass of white wine and we patiently waited for Bug to finish
her dinner.
Did I mention the rain?
Sometimes I forget the important details!

Ciao,
Donnie

Kah-Nee-Ta Dreamin

Whatta week this is, the Mariners have been playing real good, they finally got Osaka
Bumb Louden, The Kid, Kid Gazelle got engaged and Uncle Donnie had food poisoning! Top that, right! On top of all that Uncle D. and his trophy wife Betty are gonna be grand-
parents again, thanks to Lt. and Mrs. Mahar from Florida. What can I say, life is good,
capisci mi? Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I had another birthday; turning 38 for the twentieth straight year, and I still have full head of hair, whattayagonnado?
Bug got me a birthday present, the greatest hits from John Denver, sweet!
Thank God Ima country boy!
My three favorite American Indian words..... Kah-Nee-Ta! My trophy wife Betty and I
went there for our honeymoon. Resort living is what I do best, you know what I mean?
What with the golf and the pools and the Indian fry bread, what else is there?
From drizzle to sizzle in less than two hours......Kah-Nee-Ta High Desert Resort.
Hey, Betty, make us a reservation soon!

Go Mariners,
Uncle Donnie

Home of the brave,land of the fleeced!

May day! May day!
Sounds like a distress signal doesn'nt it?
Back in the day it was like, Give me liberty,or give me death. Nowadays its, give me
security from cradle to grave. Give me prosperity and death to your wealth! Give me
entitlements and lets drink to my health.
It reminds me of that Robert Cray tune, I Hate Taxes; Everytime I see a 1040, outta my
pocket it goes, I Hate Taxes.
America, America, God shed His grace on thee, and crowned thy good with brotherhood,
from sea to shining sea!
Besides, it would cost the Fed too much to promote liberty. You know what I mean?
I mean who's gonna pay for this liberty stuff; it sounds really expensive?
Is liberty really worth it?
I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin.......
Uncle Donnie

Spurgeon

"One great event will be the destruction of the harlot church. I have just read, in
your hearing, the previous chapter, which declares the overwhelming destruction which
will fall upon that evil system. Any church which puts in the place of justification by
faith in Christ another method of salvation, is a harlot church. The doctrine of
justification by faith in Christ is the article of a standing or a falling church.
Where the blood is precious, there is life; where atonement by the sacrifice is preached
and loved, there will the Spirit of God bear effectual testimony; but where human priests
are put in the place of Jesus, where pardons can be purchased, where there is an unbloody
sacrifice instead of the great propiation, and sacraments are exalted as the means of
regeneration, there the church is no longer a chaste virgin unto Christ, but she hath
turned aside from her purity."
Uncle D has of late been studying the Revelation of John. This paragraph comes from
a sermon preached by Charles Spurgeon entitled,"The Marriage of The Lamb", Rev.19:7-8.
Gimme that old time religion; any time, every time!
D.

She cracked me up

Benvenuto,
My daughter came up with a genius list of the ten most influential individuals of all
time. We were driving home from her place of employment, the pizza joint, and was
jokin around, and this is what resulted:
1. Jesus(pretty good start, right?)
2. Walt Disney
3. Michael Jackson
4. Hercules(what?)
5. Mr. Rogers(Hello, boys and girls)
6. George Lucas
7. My dentist(this cracked me up)
8. Sonny Bono
9. Jack Daniels(I was crying with laughter at this one)
10. The guy who invented Dairy Queen(we like ice cream)
This is where the 'off' in offspring comes from, my girl, H.Bug!
She even likes Barry Manilow and Barbara Streisand!
You rock H.
Proudly,
Uncle D.

It Ain't Rocket Surgery

Hey, whatsa goin on?
Uncle D. thinks life is good! I mean all my life has been full of life, although some
may say, "Don, we definitely think your full of something,something else". You know what I mean? My middle name is mirth,and my brother is joy and sister is contentment. I said
mirth not smurf, wiseguy! The thing is I'm thankful for all the many blessings that have
come my way. The Pastor guy at church today said that thankfulness is the greater part of
worship, and if he is right, and why would'nt he be, he's the Pastor guy right,then maybe
Uncle D. worships a little better than he thought he did....you get my meaning?
I'm not trying to make myself all spiritual and such, on account of, there's no place for
self glory, capisci mi? I think the light just came on and hit me! Mamma Mia,it ain't
rocket surgery, right!
Don't get me wrong, Uncle D is not exactly perfect, contrary to what youse might think.
Many times my conscience has been pierced by usurping lusts and paralyzing imperfections.
(did I just say that?). It's like Sinatra said...( Each time I find myself laying flat
on my face. I just pick myself up, and get back in the race....that's life). Whattaya
Gonna Do?

There is a fountain filled with blood
Drawn from Emmanuels' veins
And sinners plunged beneath that flood
Lose all their guilt and stains

Under the blood
D.

Masters weekend

Uncle D. just finished watching the Masters. Great tournament! Anyone of ten guys hadda
chance at gettin it done, but just one guy Schwartsel, from S. Africa, got the prize.
I was pullin for T. Woods, who played good enough for a tie for third. It was fun to
watch.
Looks like the Seattle Mariners are out of the pennant race early again. What are we in,
the second week of the season, and already 2 and 9? Baseball is a simple game with three,
count em three, elements; pitching, hitting, and defense. Looks like the team from up
north has not one of these elements....go away Seattle, you are unwatchable.

All in all Uncle D. hadda great weekend with a lotta laughter and good times provided by
my friends, Zac, the littlest fraulein, Armstrong,aka, Don Sparky, and his family on
Friday night, and Mr. and Mrs.Takashi, he aint no fugazi Woods, at our card game on Sat.
night. Friends are good right? I'm pretty sure Jesus wants us to have friends, you know
what I mean?
Ciao,
Donnie

Here are few really dumb gangster movies:
Married to the mob
Wisegal
Corky Romano
The Untouchables
Shark Tales

We The Peons

So Uncle D. is sick and tired of hearing about Egypt and Libya and wherever else our
country is stickin its nose where it don't belong! Personally, I subscribe to a non-
interventionist foreign policy. a Monroe doctrine kinda guy am I....you know what I mean?
I've had it with the abuses to The Constitution from the Executive, Legislative, and
Judicial branches of government; give me a break you guys! Whattayagonnado!
It's no longer 'We the People', It's more like 'We the Peons', and if the spending don't
cease it will be more like 'We the Penniless',capisci mi?
To put in the vernacular, this friggin situation really sucks! Where is the restraint?
Where is the sense of responsible self-governance? Where is the living within our means
mentality,and where in the world is Carmen San Diego? I mean he could be anywhere, right?
Uncle D. defines 'politician' as bloodsucker,with an insatiable desire for power,and
someone who knows not his arse from a hole in the ground. These guys give vampires a good
name, you know what I mean?
At least we only have to worry about the vampires at night!
The pols are after us 24-7!
Ciao,
Uncle Disappointed

More Jeremiah Burroughs

"God manifests Himself as willing to be reconciled in the ways of His dealing with
wretched, sinful men, in sending His grace to allure the hearts of sinners. The Lord
sends His mercy to spread all the beauty and luster thereof before the sons of men,
all the excellency and glory of it before the soul, that it may entice the soul of the
sinner to come in to Him. He does not merely send for and seek him, but endeavors that
He might overcome the hearts of men with love and mercy. This is God's way to cause His
mercy to stand before the soul, and so to spread the beauty and excellency of it, so that
it moves, entices, and allures the hearts of men, so that God, as it were, by cords of
love, might draw the hearts of poor, sinful men to Himself.
If God only scared men to come in to Him---if the Lord came in never such a terrible way
to force us to come in, so that peace might be made up between God and us, it would be
something. But we have cause to bless God that the Lord(besides that way of terror and
wrath, though sometimes He will use that way to stop men in the course of their sins,
and to force them to come in)goes forth and sends His mercy to stand before the soul,
and spread the beauty, excellency, and glory of it before the heart of the sinner so that
it might allure the sinner to come in.
So God speaks to His people in Hosea 2:14. There was a great breach between Israel and
God at the time, and God, to make up the breach(when He would be pacified towards Israel)
expresses it in this manner: "Therefore, behold, I will allure her." And in Hosea 11:4,
mark:("I drew them with the cords of a man, and with cords of love.")
"I dealt with them in a suitable way, because man's nature would rather be drawn than
driven, and cannot so well bear to be driven with violence as to be drawn by love.
Therefore(says God), I will deal with them according to their own nature and in a
suitable way. I draw them with the cords of a man and with bonds of love."
Here are the gracious expressions of God to wretched sinners, to break their hearts
that they may come in and be reconciled to Him. God takes away the terror of His greatness, and comes in loving and sweet ways to draw the hearts of sinners. I appeal
to your consciences, have not you who know what it is to be reconciled to God had the
Lord setting the riches of His grace before your souls? Have not you seen the alluring
attributes of God presented before you to gain your hearts unto Himself?"

Grace and Peace to you all
Uncle Donnie

Minestra Madness

Hey, How you doing?
Uncle D. just finished a little minestra soup, and he is feeling pretty smiley,you
know what I mean? A little sausage, a little onion, a little chicken stock,a little
red pepper flake, a little baby spinach and finish with a few parmesan croutons, and
off you go....I almost forgot the orzo pasta! Hey, Don, youse must be about three sheeps
(Spanish for sheets)to the wind to forget the pasta!
Perdonami,it won't happen again paisan!
I was thinking,that if I had that restaurant(English for Ristorante)I would have a few
Items on the menu from the Godfather. I would definetly have a Clemenza Cannoli, a
Corleone Calzone, and probably a S.O.S(thats shrimp on a shingle) for Carlo, Connies
husband, who ended up s.o.l.(Shrimp outa luck), if you know what I mean?
Did I tell you I made my first loaf of bread the other day? Well, I did. Anybody got
a problem with that? I didn't think so!
Uncle D. loves milk toast. Any problem with that can be taken up at the complaint dept.
I run that dept.

Take It Easy,
D.

Happy St. Pattys Day

I don't know about you, but Uncle D. is sick and tired of hearing about Charlie Sheen.
What a mess of an individual this guy is! Go away Charlie, go away! I wonder if this guy is Irish? Did you hear about the Irish guy who would jump across fifty naked women
at the pub, to get to one pint of his favorite suds?, or was it fifty naked guys jumpin
over one scantily clad Colleen to get a jigger of Bushmill? I don't know, but I think
you get my point. Too all you crazy Irishmen a toast:
Health and long life to you.
Land without rent to you.
A child every year to you.
And if you can't go to heaven,
May you at least die in Ireland.
It must of been an Irishmen who wrote,"Do you think the hokey pokey is what its all
about?"
I'd like to think it was an Irishman who wrote,"God wants spiritual fruit, not religious
nuts."
If I was from Ireland, I'd be writing to you as Uncle Danny, you know what I mean?
Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ra, Too Ra Loo Ra Ly
Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ra, Hush Now Don't You Cry!
Over In Kilearney, Many Years Ago,
My Mither Sang A Song Too Me In Tones So Sweet And Low......

Aye!
Uncle D

Five more good movies for ya;
Bugsy
At The Sinatra Club
Billy Bathgate
The King of New York
Prizzis Honor

For guys only

Uncle Donnie has come up with a list of words starting with the letter P which are
most troubling to the average guy. Why the letter P? Who knows why? These are just some unfortunate words, prezactly(combination of precise and exactly) the kinda words
which bring horror to the male species.
First, we gotta start with the word prison. Makes me queazy just to think of it. I
don't care if its maximum security or minimum security, this is not a nice word!
Second, is the word pansy. Not the flower Einstein, but the other pansy, which if
used to describe Uncle D might get me a visit to the first bad word....prison, if
you get my meaning.
Third, would be the word prior, and since we're on the topic of prison, youse can
obviously see why this word is problematic...Hey, Don, any priors on your record?
And we're not talking Richard Pryor either.
This fourth word periwinkle is not so good either. I never know if we're talking
about some wussy color or particular species of mollusks, you know what I mean?
Fifth is the word prostate. I don't have any trouble physically with it, anatomicaly
speaking, but even thinking about it makes it hard to take a leak, whattayagonnado!
Very scary word.
Sixth is the word PRE-MENSTRUAL. Nothing, and I mean nothing can wreck a good card
game or a trip to Vegas or the horse track like the mentioning of that word. Some
of you remember what that was like. Some of you are experiencing it even as I type,
and some of you have that to look forward to someday. I think Ima gonna cry.
This word could easily make the bad word Hall O Fame, capisci.
The last word, although there are few more that time will not allow me to mention,is
maybe the scariest of all. The word is premature..........ouch!
Now, Uncle D does'nt care too much if you are postmature or even ammature. Just not
premature, you know what I'm saying? Could be the worst P word of all time, I mean
things are goin good, just like they should, and then the bane of our existence, the P
word happens, and then all is not so good , right. This came up a coupla weeks ago
at our weekly canasta game, when my partner, the ever efficient, Takashi, he aint no
fugazi Woods tried to get my attention, on account of he thought he was able to play
out. Anyways he did'nt because he couldn't, and I kinda teased him about being premature
in his warnings.Just as soon as the p word came out of my mouth, he turns to Mrs. I'm
gonna be embarrassed about this Woods, and says with this little grin, Yeah, that happens
to me all the time.........all four of us died laughing, till it hurt, till we cried
and howled about this declaration of T's. I love this guy!
I just don't like that word.
With that Uncle D better say goodbye.

Donnie

When you wish upon a star.........

So I was thinking; yeah occasionally thoughts do come to my mind. I mean thats why
we have minds right? So that thoughts could come to them and we could ponder them
and make decisions or judgements or whatever about them. You get my meaning, thoughts
are good! Anyways, I got the solution to all the problems our country faces, foreign
and domestic...I like that word domestic. Domestic; thats a cool word, domestic,
domestic, domestic. I love my trophy wife betty because she's so ....domestic!
Where was I, yes I remember,the answer to our problems is to let Disney run things,
like they run their themeparks, at such an efficient and safe and fun experience.
Ever heard of any crime at Disney, any unemployment,labor disputes, any garbage on
the ground? Ever had a Disney employee be rude or unhelpful or not smile when asked
a question; just like a trip to the DMV right? I mean everything seems to work real
well there, like its supposed to, where Mickey and Minnie are a couple instead of
Mickey and Goofey, where Daffy loves Daisey, and Snow White loves the handsome
prince and not the lovely princess, you hear what I'm saying?
Ever had a problem parking at Disney, I mean in Florida, they have a freeway end
right at the entrance to the park,and they are so efficient at what they do, that
nobody ever gets a parking ticket or citation! Unbelievable!
If I could, I would fast pass us from Obamaland to Disneyland in a New York minute!

Donnie

Sun burned in South Florida

How's everybody doin' today? Seems like its been a coupla weeks since I had something
to say. Usually, Uncle Donnie has too much to say, If you know what I mean.
My trophy wife Betty and Auntie Buggles and yours truly recently made a trip to
Florida to see Hallie, Lt. A Mahar, and little Lily "Tootsie" Ann Mahar. What a great time we had! Katie and Bryon Shitzell, my other son-in-law, went with us too for a mini family reunion... It was great! We had to medicate Bryon a little, so
he could fly as he's not a big fan of air traffic. He did just fine and after one of the landings he says to me, "Did you give me valium or viagra for this flight??" I could only laugh, whattyagonnado! I think maybe he had too good a time, ya think?
We spent about nine days in the sun visiting all that Disney stuff: Animal Kingdom,
Epcot, Disney's Hollywood Studios, and of course the Magic Kingdom, which as you already know, is truly the happiest place on earth. Sometimes I wondered who was the biggest kid there, Lily Tootsie or Uncle Donnie? And then I realized it was Buggles all along!
I can't forget to mention the trip to Universal Studios that some took to see the Harry Potter thing, while Betty and Don and Lily Tootsie stayed at the rental house and lounged about the pool. It was a great family vacation. Uncle D didn't want to come home. They say "home is where the heart is" and where the heart is, usually your family is there also, capisci mi? Bene, famiglia, Bene.

Ciao,
Uncle Donnie

Jeremiah Burroughs

Uncle Donnie picked up this one entitled Gospel Reconciliation by Jeremiah Burroughs.
Here's a little taste:
"Oh the blessed state of a believer, of one who has embraced the gospel: he is
reconciled to God; he is at peace with God, and that has a great deal in it as you
have heard. The Jews were wont to express all kind of prosperity and happiness by
this word 'peace':'Peace be to you'; and in saying so, they included all manner of
good. For indeed the word is a comprehensive word; and therefore God accounts it His
glory to be called the God of peace. It is the glory of the Son of God to be called
the Prince of Peace. It is the glory of the Spirit to have the fruits of the Spirit
to be joy and peace. It is the honor of the gospel to be the gospel of peace. It is
the glory of the kingdom of God to consist in righteousness and peace. It is the
evangelical benediction: grace and peace. It is the glory of the covenant of life
to be a covenant of peace.
Peace is a most amiable thing, but how lovely, amiable, and glorious is peace
with God!"
I think Jesus wants us to read this kind of stuff, so go and read some of it.
Uncle D.

A Few Good Things

Hey, how you doin'? You good? Uncle D's good, it's all good! Good is good. It's good
then, right? Yeah, I'm good, seems like all is good, everything is goin' good, lookin' good, I think we're good... So, we must be good? Yeah, life is good. I mean, it's good to know that all is good, and that's pretty good right? I'm just sayin'!
I know it may sound a little weird, but Uncle Donnie has two interests when it comes
to the kind of books he likes to read. He loves to read literature from Puritan (read: old dead guy) writers, and he loves to read about organized crime. to D. it's perfectly normal. I mean, normal is as normal does, right? So recently, Nurse Cratchit (read: my sister-in-law) from up in the Holler sends me a great book entitled, "The Sins Of The Father," written by Albert DeMeo who is the son of the now deceased Gambino Family capo, Roy DeMeo. He tells his story growing up in "The Life", and how it affected and influenced his thinking and behavior in adolescence and in adulthood. Fiercely loyal to his father, he offers an intensely personal snapshot of his experience in coming to terms with his La Cosa Nostra(read: this thing of ours) heritage and how it led to his father's demise. You guessed right, it was a good book, you know what I mean?
Thanks to Nurse C. for a great Christmas gift.
Next time, D. will give a heads up on a good Puritan book he's been reading lately.
Sounds good, right?
Gotta run,
Uncle D.

SuperDull Sunday

Uncle Donnie enjoys sports. Baseball, golf and occasionally a little "bassetball" is
fine,but he would rather be poked in the eye with a sharp stick than have to watch
a single game of football. Watchin' old John Denver videos and listenin' to him sing is much better than watching football, I mean, doing just about anything painful is better than football. Pulling teeth, for example is better than football, fingernails on a chalkboard, accidentally biting down hard on a fork, even cheap
Scotch is more enjoyable than football, you know what I mean?
All that aside, I still watched the big game this past weekend. What a snorer,right? From the alpha to the omega it was dull. First that blonde chick screws up the National Anthem.(I think maybe she thought it was the National Chorus)Hey, Christina! It's fairly simple: learn the words, remember the words, and then sing the words. Capisci? Sheeeesh. Then, really, the game was over after the first quarter, right? I mean, correct me If I'm wrong, but wasn't Green Bay ahead the whole game? Duh. How many turnovers, Pittsburgh? I can't even pronounce their quarterback's last name, Ben-somethin'-or-other-berger. Whattya gonna do? The commercials were lame, except the one with the beaver, the beaver was
good, right? The Dorito spot was disturbing, I mean, licking another man's finger and
smelling his trousers?? Hey, that oughtta sell, like, no Doritos ever again!
You couldn't even hear the half-time talent, and I'm using the term 'talent' veeery graciously. The audio was less than subpar, more like way below average, and most of the choreography was (let me be gracious here again) horrible! Capiscimi?
The best part of the evening was after the game, when I watched a 60 Minutes interview of John, Johnny or Junior, Gotti. It was about his experiences inside and outside of "The Life". It was a pretty good show.
Remember, friends don't let their friends watch football, no matter how much cash
they got ridin' on the outcome!

Ciao,
Donnie

My Kind Of Town

Uncle Donnie likes to watch a little cable TV now and then. You know, shows with leprechauns, pygmies or wee fellows, whatever! I see shows about obesity, obscenity,oviparous animals(read:from eggs) as well as viviparous (read:not from eggs). Cable has it all, right? From the spectacular to the sublime, you know what I mean? Sometimes I watch Animal Planet or the Discovery Channel I'm a fan of the Food Network, especially when they are cookin' Italiano, but lately, My Trophy Wife Betty has been watching this new show called "Real Housewives of Estacada", which Uncle D. finds interesting on account of we used to live there some time ago. The problem, though, was when we lived there people would kid us. You know, break some balls about us livin' in "Meth-tacada",or "Mess-tacada", even "Mex-tacada", whattaya gonna do? We lived there for a few years, it was a nice spot down by the river, we loved it, end of story. O.K., so what if the name Estacada, from it's Indian origin,
meant women without teeth? I mean, fuggetaboudit! So there wasn't many dentists who
lived there. That's probably where Abscess-tacada got it's start, right?
They used to say, "It's a small rural town just like family, one big family," right? So... Welcome to Incest-acada! Oh, that's funny, give me a break, Marone, I can't take much more of this. Then they would call it "Insect-acada", or "Infest-acada", "molest-acada", "pest-acada", or anything else that came to their minds. I mean, some of these jokesters were no rocket surgeons, capisci?
Anyways, now we live somewhere else on 16th Ave, and to think Uncle D. used to
live on Starr Rd. in Estacada. Can you believe it? How far the mighty have fallen, from a star to just another number. Whattaya gonna do?

Ciao,
Donnie

John Flavel The Mystery of Providence

"The Covenant of Grace, in which all your comfortable enjoyments are comprised,
snd by which they are secured, sanctified and sweetened to you, is made in Christ
and ratified by Him between God and you. Your mercies are all comprised in this
covenant, even your daily bread(Ps.111.5), as well as your justification and other
spiritual mercies. It is your covenant interest that secures to you whatever it
comprises; hence they are called the 'sure mercies of David'(Isa.55.3). Nay, this
is what sanctifies them and gives them the nature of special and peculiar mercies.
One such mercy is worth a thousand common mercies. And being sanctified and special
mercies, they must needs be exceedingly sweet beyond all other mercies. For these
reasons it was that David so rejoiced in his covenant interest, though laden with
many afflictions(2Sam.23.5). But now all this hangs entirely on Christ. The New
Testament is in His blood(1Cor.11.25), and whatever mercies you reap from that
covenant, you must thank the Lord Jesus Christ for them. Put all this together, and
then think how such considerations will endear Christ to your souls."

Uncle D

Uncle Donnie's Deli

Last weekend, Uncle Donnie spent a lot of time in the kitchen makin' some dishes for
the fam. I made a meatloaf and about thirty turkey meatballs after which, if memory
serves, I made an adult beverage, enjoyed it and returned to my menu.
Next, I got some inspiration to make a chicken bake recipe that my niece, Schmooglie the Little S**t Pierson helped me with last year when we was doin some cooking By the way, Schmooglie makes a mean Carbonara pasta, whaddya gonna do! You'se should try it sometime. Here's what you do for my chicken bakes:
You'se need two chicken breasts cubed into half-inch pieces
You'se need four strips of good bacon, chopped
You'se need half of a medium onion in a small dice
You'se need to mince five cloves of garlic
You'se need to grate about five oz. of parmesan cheese
Youse need about five oz. of Caesar dressing

Now saute the onions 'till soft and throw in the garlic for about a minute or so.
Then crisp up the bacon, and put all three together and set aside.

Put a little olive oil in another pan and brown up the chicken. When browned,combine with onions, garlic, and bacon.

While all your ingredients are still hot, throw in the cheese, add the dressing and mix everything together. Eat it with whatever you want, maybe in a ciabatta sandwich, or over some risotto, or some white rice, whatever you wanna do, you get my meaning?

Anyways, I get done with that recipe, and decide to make a strata for breakfast the next day, which was Sunday. I did this, on account of, I didn't want to have to hurry around on Sunday morning, and maybe sleep in a little longer, you know what I mean? I thought you would.
Maybe Uncle D. will tell you about the strata some other time.... For now, all this
food talk is making me hungry... Where did I put those meatballs...

Ciao,
Donnie

Right On The Nose

Uncle Donnie has been very busy this weekend what with all the cooking and visiting, and a little time spent at the local watering hole(read: bar)with my trophy wife Betty. Lotta things have been going on, you know what I mean?

So I was thinking, and this is as good a time as any to think, why is it that kids pick their noses? I mean, some of these kids I see these days are what I like to call, "two knuckle pickers", as if they were reaching clear up into their eye sockets for something! And some of these little people, these proboscis probers, look like they've set up an entire mining operation in their nostrils! Doing a little schnozzola gem extraction,if you catch my meaning.
Maybe they learned this from their parents, or grandparents, or an uncle or something. I dunno. Did you ever hear of the band Nick Nostril and the Nine Nasty Nose Pickers? Maybe it's in the music...Whatta they call that? Subliminal suggestion... You know, slow down the music and the singer is really
saying "pick your nose, pick your nose," or you play it backwards and its "eson ruoy
kcip, eson ruoy kcip," which sounds Hungarian to Uncle Donnie, which would make sense because Nick Nostril and all the Nine Nasty Nose Pickers are Hungarian. Of course.
"Coincidence!" You say, "More conspiracy than coincidence," says Uncle D.

I once had a T-shirt with a picture of a man with a very long snout who has his
index finger buried in it. The line below the picture read: Pick A Winner.
I remember telling my oldest daughter once that choosing a young man for a suitor
was like booger removal.....Sometime, you just have to pick one!
It's like when Don Altobello (Godfather 3) tells Michael, "They just want to dip their beaks a little".....

Only the nose knows!
Uncle Donnie